Well, Maybe not THAT Imminent!

So last week I reported that the 'end is imminent'. Well, now I'm not so sure! The last few days things have calmed down a bit! I don't seem to be having as many braxton hicks contractions, though I continue to feel 'pressure' and sometimes sharp pains 'down there'. I can definitely tell my body is preparing - just maybe more gradually than I had thought. So now I'm holding out hope for an April baby (though maybe very early April - April Fools?!). But he'll come when he's ready, and all I really care about is a healthy baby. As my friend said, "he'll come on his birthday!". Cute. Anyway, I don't think I talked last time about how I have been feeling a quick 'discomfort', sometimes a LITTLE pain, real suddenly in my right lower back. It feels as though either he's kicking or punching into my right lower back, or he's moving and hitting a nerve somewhere, that causing me to feel it there. It hasn't happened a lot, but definitely a few times, in the same spot. Hopefully this isn't signs of back labor. I used to be worried that he was turned posterior (?), which means that his head was facing anterior (towards my belly button), which makes labor more difficult because it's a less than ideal way for him to move through the birth canal. But lately I'm pretty sure he's facing anterior, the correct way, with his head facing my back. It's still possible for him to move, but I'm going to think positively! I can tell he's moving a little too - shifting a little more than he used to. I feel his head more centrally (not to the left), and his feet more centrally sometimes too (feel kicking closer to my sternum than clear over on the right). So I think he's 'getting into position'. Anyway, it's SO amazing to me how babies just KNOW and naturally turn the correct way, to be birthed most easily. It's such a miracle, and continues to be a testimony to me of God's existence and perfect plan.

I do still find myself getting worried about him and his health and 'normalcy'. After my friend lost her son in childbirth last summer, I find myself with a mild fear of going through the same thing. I'm not terrified or anything - it just lurks in the back of my mind, as you think that something like that won't happen to you until it happens to someone close to you. I think it's okay to have a healthy awareness of things that can go wrong. But it doesn't paralyze me or anything. And I know that even once he's born, and for the rest of his life, I will always be worried about him and his safety and well-being. So I try to think about it in that context, and then give it over to God. God has a plan for his life, and it will come to pass no matter what I do. But I will always pray for him, and I love him so much! I keep thinking about when he's a little older - a toddler, then when he goes to school, then when he plays sports or does other hobbies and is a teenager, then when he chooses a career, then when he gets married (ahhhhh!), gets middle-aged, and on and on and on.... He will always be my son, and I will love him no matter what. It does make me think sometimes "I don't know how to raise a boy! I grew up most of my childhood with only girls around!" But being married to a boy, and talking to G about things that boys go through, helps a lot. I'll learn!

I wanted to talk a little about hypnobirthing. It's the class G and I took in lieu of Childbirthing Classes. It was really great. I took it because one of my friends had taken and recommended it. It isn't weird and mystical, where you get hypnotized every class! In a nutshell, it just really focuses on slow deep breathing a getting into a deep state of relaxation to help with pain management in labor. Going into it, I didn't realize that you took it on the premise that you were going to have an unmedicated birth. Well, about 2 weeks in, I realized that that was kindof what it's all about. It made me feel a little ashamed, as I'm still planning on having an epidural (I know, I SHOULDN'T feel ashamed about that, and there seems to be this stigma attached to both medicated and unmedicated births, by both sides of the population - it's frustrating!), but my theory is that I can still use a lot of the relaxation techniques up UNTIL I get the epidural. And I'm going to try to wait until I really need it, as it can slow down labor. And I'm also being more open-minded (even more than I was before), and if I'm doing okay, MAYBE I won't get one. I do think it might be a LITTLE better for the baby not to have one (the one study that really touched me was where the baby was much more likely to very quickly and instinctively go right to the breast to immediately breast feed, when no epidural was used), though babies from moms who have epidurals are FINE, and there is no evidence that the epidural actually reaches the baby at all (that's not the case with other medications used in childbirth though, which I am opting out of). Also, there's the chance that the epidural won't 'take' and/or it will only take on half of my body, or the labor will go so fast that there's no time - things like that. So I wanted to have a good foundation of 'pressure management' - they shy away from using terms like 'pain', which I really like. They use other terminology which I like better too, like 'surges' instead of 'contractions'. I really liked it, and the relaxation scripts (I have 4 on CD and several others on paper, that George is to read to me) also help with general pain management (not just in childbirth). I really need to practice these more, as the idea is that every time you do a script, you can more quickly and deeply go into relaxation. It's really pretty cool (I do struggle with this, as I'm always so 'alert' and thinking about things 'to do', and even things that I just get excited about!), and is helping me to 'let go' and not think about 'the world' for a few minutes. I will continue to practice (hopefully even more and more!). It seems to be very successful for many women, and the pain associated with childbirth is reported as much less, by them.

Okay - must go help G with our hot water heater which decided to break just in time for our days off together, when I REALLY need his help with nursery stuff!! Oh well. This too shall pass!